The Addiction to Uncertainty in a Relationship: 500 Days of Summer (2009)

Why is it that the word 'uncertainty' is so inviting in a relationship? What makes it so thrilling for some people? Why are people still trying to survive in a relationship when they acknowledge the blur as they go? When you are lonely and long for companionship, these questions will undoubtedly torment your epiphany. Loneliness is the number one cause of the most unthinkable decisions in your life. A little attention from someone can mean so much, especially when supported by the ideal version of them in your mind. The movie 500 Days of Summer explores the unthinkable decisions people make when they're lonely, highlighting the addiction to uncertainty.

Marc Web's film 500 Days of Summer centers on Tom Hansen, a greeting card writer who falls in love with his co-worker, Summer Finn. Tom is in love with the idea of summer. Her being perfect in his mind sets his expectations so high. When he tries to get to know Summer, it turns out that she does not want to be in a relationship. Even though their relationship has no real standing, Tom still wants to be with Summer despite how devastated he is by it. Both Tom and Summer live their relationship like lovers. They know the two can't really be together. Summer repeatedly emphasized that she couldn't be with Tom. But Tom still believes in the possibility of what will happen. A lot of time-jump narrative occurs in the film, illustrating Tom's feelings for Summer at different points in time. Their love intricacy happens because of their own behavior. While Tom is fixated on the ideal concept of Summer, Summer is captivated by the excitement that Tom brings into her life. The movie ends with Tom and Summer realizing they were not meant for each other. Summer got married to someone else. Tom learned that Summer's presence in his life is to color his life for a while, not forever. They are each other's life lessons.

Being trapped in an ongoing cycle of no-commitment relationships, Summer and Tom both suffered. However, they ignored their suffering to feel the thrill they enjoyed during the relationship. They each have their defense mechanism to deny the fact that they have an uncertain relationship. Tom primarily uses denial to avoid facing the negative aspects of his relationship with Summer. He's blinded by the idea of Summer without seeing the ugly truth behind it. Although he wants to do a lot of things with Summer, he can't demand more because he's nothing but a friend to Summer. Tom always agrees with Summer's opinion, regardless of his opinion being different. Summer stated multiple times that she does not want to be in a relationship, yet Tom's perfect idea about Summer beats his own opinion.

Tom: Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.

Summer: I know.

Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.

Summer: And I can't give you that. Nobody can.

At the end of the day, he continued the relationship after that conversation. The ideology about the relationship between Tom and Summer is already different. Tom and Summer can't be together when Summer does not want to commit. On the other hand, Summer has a way of suppressing her feelings. The act of loving Tom recklessly without wanting to commit with him comes from loneliness. She wants to only have fun with what they have while crossing every boundary of being just 'friends' with Tom.

Summer's defense mechanism can be categorized as avoidance since she chooses to run away instead of accepting Tom's love. She does not want to be bound by commitment. Instead of accepting Tom's love, she pushes Tom away from her life because she can't take the complexity of her mind, let alone his. The way Summer dances with Tom at their friends' wedding while being in a relationship with someone else is one of the examples of her being an avoidant, even after running away from commitment. She avoids facing the fact that she must disclose to Tom that she is in a relationship. Therefore, she avoids telling Tom since it possibly will break their relationship. Summer's behavior invites hope from Tom again, for her to break Tom's heart. She could have told him. Nonetheless, she didn't because she still enjoys Tom's company without wanting to have any barriers with him.

The appealing thought of uncertainty comes from the refusal to think about the future. When it comes to relationships, the fear of the future makes people so addicted to uncertainty. They are afraid to talk about their future and the certainty of where they are going. Instead, they want to stay in the comfort zone of the relationship's flow.

"Just go with the flow."

"Enjoy the moment."

But what if all of those are a waste of time? Knowing you are in the pit of uncertainty while refusing to acknowledge the fact that it'll be nowhere would be torture. This movie portrayed exactly that. The reality of a love story is not always two people accepting the love. Human mind’s complexities also affect how a relationship is formed. The long-term addiction to uncertainty left Tom and Summer craving that attention, especially Tom. His life was circling Summer because he's always drawn to her. Assumptions then come to mind. More thoughts that weren't there suddenly haunt day-to-day lives. Negative assumptions towards each other can lead to miscommunications. Tom constantly wonders what Summer is thinking about, and it eventually drives him insane. On the other hand, Summer has a way to solve her problem while masking her affection towards Tom as an avoidant. She refused to lose Tom, so she refused to have arguments with him. Every time Tom's tone rises, Summer distracts him with something else. She does not want to deal with the fact that she would lose Tom if the argument continues.

• Summer: We've been like Sid and Nancy for months now.

• Tom: Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy, seven times with a kitchen knife, I mean we have some disagreements but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious.

• Summer: No, I'm Sid.

• Tom: Oh, so I'm Nancy...

• [Pancakes arrive]

• Summer: Let's just eat and we'll talk about it later. Mmm, that is good, I'm really glad we did this. I love these pancakes... What?

• [Tom gets up and walks away from the table]

• Summer: Tom, don't go! You're still my best friend!

When both of them start to drift apart, they're still drawn to each other over and over again. They allow it to happen to each other.

With Summer, she knows that she and Tom will not be together. She keeps saying she can't be with Tom, but then she is married to someone else. When they reunite for the last time, their conversation sums it all up.

Summer: I just... I just woke up one day and I knew.

Tom: Knew what?

Summer: What I was never sure of with you. [Watch here for the complete final conversation scene]

Perhaps it's never meant to be. Perhaps it's only a life lesson for both of them. The last conversation between Tom and Summer has given them clarity for their uncertain relationship. Whether Tom wants to admit it or not, he's also not sure of Summer. His fluctuating emotions can be seen throughout the movie. One day he would hate Summer, but then another day, he would crawl back to her anytime. He does not realize how their relationship always hangs on a loose thread. 

The clarity they gain at the end of the movie leads them to acceptance. When the final conversation occurred in the movie, both Tom and Summer already matured enough to evaluate their behaviors. They don't yell as they used to. They say what needs to be said because they know both of them need that closure for their heart. Although Summer is already married, she tells Tom about how she feels for her to gain closure for her soul. With a heavy heart, Tom accepts Summer's word despite still not understanding how her mind works. Even after their final conversation, Tom is trying to figure out what Summer thinks, and he realizes he can't ever figure her out because she never allows him.

The question of whether or not someone is right for you can't be answered right away. However, holding on to uncertainty definitely will lead you to nowhere. The way Tom and Summer cope with their struggles leads them to a relationship with a blurred future. Both of them refuse to experience loneliness to the point where they need each other to heal their own loneliness. With Tom denying the reality and Summer choosing to avoid commitment, the relationship will go nowhere. They're only in the relationship for the temporary thrill, and when it gets too serious, one of them pulls away. The addictive thrill of feeling uncertain about Tom and Summer's relationship is caused by fear of confronting the future because they're too comfortable with the addictive feeling. The movie portrayed love as something to gain, not as something to be romanticized. To see love is one thing, but seeing it with logic takes courage.